Relationships · 1936
How to Win Friends and Influence People
by Dale Carnegie
Timeless people skills for connection, persuasion and leadership.
9 min read
The big picture
Carnegie's guide rests on a simple truth: people care most about themselves. By showing sincere interest, appreciation and respect, you can build friendships, win people over and lead without resentment.
Five key ideas
- 1
Don't criticize, condemn or complain
Criticism makes people defensive. Understanding why people act as they do is more useful than judging them.
- 2
Give honest, sincere appreciation
Everyone craves feeling important. Real praise, specifically given, builds goodwill faster than flattery.
- 3
Become genuinely interested in others
Ask questions, remember names, and listen. People will like you for the attention you give.
- 4
Talk in terms of their interests
Persuade by showing how what you want also gives the other person what they want.
- 5
Avoid arguments
You can't win an argument. Respect others' opinions, admit mistakes quickly, and begin on friendly terms.
Put it into practice
- Give one specific, sincere compliment every day.
- In conversations, ask two follow-up questions before sharing your own story.
- Next time you disagree, say 'you may be right' and look for common ground.
Who should read it
Anyone who wants better relationships at work, in friendships or in leadership.
How to apply it in daily life
Morning
Greet the first people you meet by name, with a real smile.
During the day
In each conversation, ask one question and truly listen to the answer.
Evening
Send one honest note of thanks or praise to someone.
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