Royal Routine
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Relationships · 1995

Emotional Intelligence

by Daniel Goleman

Why how well you handle emotions can matter more than IQ.

10 min read

The big picture

Goleman explains that success in life and work depends heavily on emotional skills: knowing your feelings, managing them, reading others and handling relationships. Unlike IQ, these skills can be learned and strengthened at any age.

A young woman in a cream knit sweater resting her chin on her hand at a plant-filled desk in warm sunlight, an open journal in front of her headed Understanding Myself and Today I Realised, a stack of books with spines reading Self Awareness, Emotional Intelligence, Mindful Living and A Better Me, and a board behind her reading Self Awareness beside a checklist of prompts

Five key ideas

  1. 1

    Self-awareness comes first

    You cannot manage a feeling you have not noticed. Naming emotions as they arise is the foundation of everything else.

  2. 2

    Manage impulses

    The ability to delay gratification and calm yourself under stress is a strong predictor of later success.

  3. 3

    Motivation from within

    Optimism, persistence and a sense of flow keep effort going better than outside pressure does.

  4. 4

    Empathy builds connection

    Reading tone, face and body language helps you respond to what people need, not only to their words.

  5. 5

    Social skill is a craft

    Handling conflict, leading and cooperating are learnable skills that shape careers and families.

A young man in a black hoodie sitting at a desk in a high-rise room at sunrise, chin resting on his fist and a pen in hand, an open notebook with a checklist reading Be Positive, Work on My Goals, Learn Something New, Stay Healthy, Be a Better Me, a stack of books beside him and a board on the wall reading Positive Mindset

Put it into practice

  • Three times a day, pause and name what you are feeling in one word.
  • When angry, wait ten slow breaths before replying.
  • In your next conversation, listen without interrupting and reflect back what you heard.

Who should read it

Leaders, parents and anyone who wants calmer, stronger relationships.

How to apply it in daily life

  1. Morning

    Check in: name how you feel in one word.

  2. During the day

    Pause six seconds before reacting when you feel upset.

  3. Evening

    Think of one person's feelings today and how you responded.

Next summary

The Four Agreements